Mambo Queen

My divorce from STBXAH is progressing--he's already been given his "chunk of the money", which is actually under his sister's control to keep him from drinking it up and to protect it from his creditors, which are numerous. In the last month, he has #1. found out that I'm dating someone else (he actually heard it from our daughter, which I assumed might happen at some point--I didn't want to put her in a position of lying for me, of course, and so the info slipped out in a very innocent way on her part), then he #2. went on a drinking binge so wild, hairy, and out-of-control that he ended up getting put into a hospital on a suicide watch by his sister, and then, because she called the cops first and not the hospital directly, our condo that he had been living in was CONDEMNED because it was so filthy from his neglect. So then, he got out of the hospital/psych ward and...seems to have been making a true go at this "standing on your own two feet" and "seeking recovery" thing. He moved in with his sister at first, but soon after moved into an extended-stay, as she really doesn't have the room. He looked for a place, and just today was accepted at a place, that's out by his family, yet nicer than the extended stay, so that our daughter could visit and have it not be in a crappy motel room. He got a job already, out there (I live in a major city, his family lives about 50 miles outside of it) so he doesn't have to blow a lot of money on gas. His family is supportive of his recovery efforts, and actually, supportive of me, and wants to help facilitate him in seeing our daughter and has agreed to watch him when he's at work on the weekends so he can still spend time with her every other weekend. His sister is also someone I trust to tell me if he were to fall off the wagon so I would know to not send her out there. He's also been in daily AA attendance, and church attendance on Sundays with his sister and her family, and says that he really feels comfortable with the AA groups out there in a way he didn't at the AA meetings near the condo we shared, that the people are friendlier and more open and he can relate to them better.

So all of this sounds awesome, right? It's everything I wanted. But...
He won't let go of me. He calls me constantly. He writes emails constantly. I haven't gone "no contact" yet...frankly, I'm scared to, because I'm still feeling guilty and still struggling with feeling like my actions have some sway over his actions...feeling like if I never contact him or return any of his calls, he'll use that as his excuse to drink, though he tells me that as much as the situation hurts him the one thing he won't do is not drink. But our conversations are always about him trying to win me back, or trying to get me to promise him to give the man I'm seeing up. I won't do it, and I won't give him that, so then he says things like "If I ever hear you're going to marry him, I'll check myself into the loony bin" and of course, I hear all the time about how he understands me divorcing him, but he doesn't understand me jumping into another man's arms. Look, I know it can't feel good for him to know I'm dating someone else. But I really am not willing to give this man up--I don't feel like just because he finally did what I'd been waiting for him to do that that means he automatically gets me back, or at least the possibility of me back. But on the other hand, it hurts when I know he's hurting, and it hurts feeling like I'm making his road to recovery more rocky.

What should I do? Am I being selfish? My therapist says that I have to understand and fully accept that I actually AM free right now, and free to chose who I want to be with, and why. So why do I still feel like I owe STBXAH something, and why is it so hard for me knowing he feels bad? I don't want to sacrifice my own happiness for his, but sometimes I do have those nagging doubts like maybe I do owe him to wait for him, to see if he can continue on this path, although I truly don't want to. What I would want more than anything is for some other woman to fall in his lap, so he wouldn't feel so tied to me still, but that's not going to really happen, and it wouldn't actually be fair to this fictional other woman. But that would make me feel truly free, in a way I still don't feel now. I still feel responsible for him, is the problem. How do I break free of this?