Was nice earlier today 9iron. Raining outside now, poo to the weather. This already sucks lol. Just the fact that I usually have something to look forward to every night before bed to 'help' me sleep (fake 'drug assisted' sleep) I know it's gonna take me ages to get used to sleeping normal hours and on my own.
ex D-boy I know man
detox is the easiest part IMO. Especially in those detox centres but they pump you full of valium in those places, which doesn't really help the core root of the problem now does it. I don't want any medication to help this time, although I have been contemplating going out and buying a pack of cigarettes if tonight gets tough, but then I normally don't smoke, I've reduced my smoking habit to social, which was a weekly thing.
uglyeyes I'm coming off it all. I kicked my nasty meth habit a while ago. I used to smoke it every day until I realised what I'd become, a crack-head. That was almost two years ago now. I've used a few times since then (not in the last 6-8 months for sure) but they those times were only lapses in my long-term recovery. I've used most things, a lot of designer drugs, never smack or cocaine, for some reason I stayed away. It was like I put those 2 particular drugs in a higher-level category and always made sure I stayed below the bar, never ever went near needles. But there are a lot of junkies in my family so I was put off of needles right from childhood.
Recently it's mainly been the booze. I've been drinking and smoking pot for over ten years, both became a daily habit, ritual if you will, very suddenly for me in my early teens. I got into hard drugs around my eighteenth birthday. When I found myself preferring smack out drugs, like opiates and tranquillizers over the party drugs like ecstasy, I decided I had stayed way too long in 'the scene' and I had to get out. It was not my first attempt at leaving.
I've left those people behind, that was VERY hard to do. I still have some contact with some of them, and it's STILL hard to break that contact. Family ties and what have you. One of the hardest things was my ex of course. Very miserable relationship lasting a year and a half or so. All we did was use together. Very little love or feeling, just companionship and company. Breaking up with her was easy, but the aftermath was horrible. She's still in the scene and as far as I know, she's doing worse and she's back into dealing drugs and self-destructing. Sad because I did like her. And I even got her to stop selling drugs for the bikies and get a job waiting tables in our local area, I was a good thing for her, she was for me too at times, but it was just easier for me to say goodbye and up the f**k outta there.
Plus I was scared at the time. Not scared, terrified. I'd lost my mind around that point. I had no job, barely a social life, I was living with a drug dealing junkie who just got me into worse habits. My life consisted of watching TV sitcoms I knew and felt comfortable with over and over, occasionally watching a movie with my 'girlfriend', drinking, smoking pot and using opiates. I was so paranoid and scared when I left the last time, it makes me shudder every time I remember my old 'life' and my mind is helping me by blocking a lot of it out. That could be a combination of how hard I used to party AND the negative memories, but either way, I'm glad my brain is helping me in that department.
I'm not even hungry. Well, I am, I'd normally have a beer or three into me by now and a pipe in my hand, frying something up. I might just go make a snack. I've been playing computer games for the last two hours. Now I'm bored so I might get back to this book I've been reading. Dammit I want some 'excitement' tonight, but no, say no man, behave, it's only for tonight.
(s**t I can dribble on, thanks for taking the time to read if you did)