keithj

Bugsworth,

I'm really not trying to stir it up here. Just trying to understand. It's starting to go back and forth a bit, so I want to be clear about that.

I'm still confused about how you would help this person. While I agree with you that the willingness has to be there, I think there is more to it. Without the willingness to want to be sober, a person will neither quit drinking nor will they work AA's 12 steps. Trying to persuade them is probably a waste of time. We're agreed on that. Maybe Tiburon falls into the category of doesn't really want to get sober, so we agree that we can't do much.

But, do you think it's just as simple as when you want to quit, you'll quit? Does it just boil down to, when you're ready, you'll quit? So really, there is nothing we can do? So all these people that post on the newcomers forum and end up relapsing month after month just really don't want to quit? I know you didn't say that directly, but what is it? Why can't those folks stay sober?

Why couldn't the AA founders stay sober? As I read their accounts, they really wanted to get sober. They were pretty sure that they were faced with death or lock up. And they'd grasp a little white knuckle time, and then be drunk again. Just like the folks that post here.

In my experience with AA, and I admit that's a small subset of the alcoholic population, those who work the steps have a life changing tranformation and they stay sober. Those who do not generally do what I see on the forums here. A few months followed by a still worse relapse.

I'm trying to understand but I'm missing it. Just don't drink. How do you help anybody with that?