Hi, JC,
Here's an article on anger management you might find useful. Take care,
Don S
Managing Anger
[outline from Philip Tate; reference below]
First, think of the bad behaviors or bad actions of a person or organization which you believe should not have occurred--behaviors or actions that you believe interfere with your happiness or act against your values. Then go through the following steps to eliminate your anger. And
remember--it is anger that YOU created. This statement is not intended to make you feel guilty, it is to help you recognize the power that you have to un-create that anger.
Recognize and describe--write down-- bad behavior or events that you dislike. Keep this list handy and add to it regularly.
Do the same about behavior and events that you like. Take some time to think about what makes the difference between the two lists. How much of it is behavior by others, and how much results from your own beliefs?
Consider how badly you behave when you are angered and enraged, and think of the bad consequences of your behavior, both to yourself and others. This isn't the time to dwell on this! Just acknowledge the consequences of your angry behavior.
Think of the good that you can make happen if you act annoyed rather than angry. Confusing? Accepting our own irritability can be the key to working quickly through our initial reactions, before they build into the emotional condition of anger.
Discover your irrational beliefs! This takes introspection. But here's a guide: if it causes you distress, or to become angry, there are almost sure to be irrational aspects of your belief. Common irrational beliefs have to do with trying to control the behavior of others, upsets about behavior or events that don't meet our expectations, or about things which embarrass or humiliate us.
Dispute your irrational beliefs. Look for key absolute words, including: should, can't stand, awful, must, always, never, can't, won't, other forms of all-or-nothing thinking, and judgmental thoughts (damnation and punishment).
Develop some rational self-statements and repeat them many times. Try writing down examples until you find some that you like.
Work to eliminate thinking excessively about the bad acts of other persons or organizations. Develop a 'stop!' technique. 'Don't think poisonous thoughts!' is one of my favorites.
Develop respect, understanding, and tolerance for others. Especially the most irritating ones. Developing a sense of humor is really helpful.
Take action according to your rational beliefs -- not your irrational ones. This takes practice!
If your irritations arise from institutions--work, government--then take action to effect change in those organizations when possible. Recognize the things you can't change and accept them.
Work on these concepts every day, for at least half an hour. Take time out for the introspection, writing, and action plans involved. This is like exercise: to change your behavior, you need to repeat the changes in your thinking. Every day.
"Conclusion: It is irrational to overly focus on the bad behavior of others
and to make yourself judge, jury, and hangman, especially when you consider
that your purpose on this planet is to survive and to enjoy yourself. There
is no reason that people must change their behavior to please you, and when
they do not, you can stand it. Upsetting yourself can sabotage your ability
to live and work happily with others. Anger can lead to arguments and
fights and contribute to the disruption of your relationships with others.
When you are upset with a behavior or situation, identify the irrational
thinking that creates your angry feelings and eliminate that thinking by
Disputing. Then develop your rational thinking and behavior to manage these
difficulties. Finally, try to effect a rational and constructive solution.
When you have done what you can and things do not work out, move on and
refuse to dwell on the problem. Instead, focus on your goals for attaining
happiness!"--Philip Tate, from Alcohol: How To Give It Up and Be Glad You Did