Originally Posted by
Benjamin33 
..but the way that the folks at aa have been telling me is that If I have a couple of drinks, the next thing you know I will be in the hospital, jail or dead. I'm still not completely believing this anymore.
Then stop believing the opinions of people in AA who do you a dis-service by giving it. Instead, read what AA's Big Book says about it. "If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year." You didn't make it 39 days, my friend. Fact.
You will hear 3 things in the rooms of AA. One is someone's opinion, and it may or may not be worth a darn. Two is experience, which might be worth listening to if they are alcoholic like you and have recovered. And three is stuff out of the book, which you can trust absolutely.
Read the jaywalker story in Chapter 3. See if it relates. Read Jim's and Fred's stories and see if they relate. Study the state of mind preceeding that first drink and see if it matches your own. What was your state of mind, Benjamin? You're a month out of detox and you decide to have a beer? What got you into detox in the first place? Because you couldn't control your drinking? Has something changed since then? Have you discovered some secret that lets you now be in control of drinking?