Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Im picturing my AH as a smelly troll, it works for me!! You are right, I thought he was normal, I thought our roller coaster merry go round existence was normal too. My friend was saying to me last night how I was always tense, always protecting him, always dancing to his tune, whether it was because he wasnt drinking or because he was. How unwelcome she felt when she came round to see me, how detached he was, how did I see this as normal!! Lillyxx