Givelove is right, why oh why do I still care, I havent seen him since 24th January this year, does it really matter, I dont want it to...his behaviour WAS out there and if he was the husband of a friend of mine, i would be appalled for her...just have to keep beating away at the "illusion", understand more and more, until one day the penny will drop, rather like when i was learning shorthand and just couldnt get it until one day i couldnt understand why I had ever NOT got it!! Thank you all for your experiences and advise. Lillyxx