Still here..mixing alcohol with cocaine???
I have been a bit quiet recently but I have continued to read the posts and draw tremendous strength, but my grief and loss are less harsh after 5 months, still have bad days which i work to overcome, I managed to get through our wedding anniversary day without too much upset in fact its been the working towards it that was awful and all my own doing..letting it become bigger than it was. My Ah has tried to get in touch with me again by emailing my sister again to ask her help in getting in contact with me...he still says that "i will have to talk to him sometime" Im not sure why he thinks this, but i notice he didnt send a letter home with his sister whose been in the west indies with him for 5 weeks, so hes not that desperate, anyway a letter wouldnt necessarily get him a reaction which is probably what he wants..ive learned that much by now. Still having no contact has given me some control back and it helps.
Im also working on the "illusion" as Toby Drew talks about and boy my friends and family are working hard on me regarding that too...but I do still miss something. Im getting a lodger at the end of the month and I dont want one, but have to for financial reasons, I hate my AH for this, I was married this was my marital home and now i have to share it with a stranger...so yes, Ive got lots of anger in there, but dont intend to direct it at him, I dont want him to ever know i care or am upset. To that end Ive cut off contact with my sister in law too, who had obviously told him stuff that was going on for me, as he mentioned it in previous email to my sister...I dont want him to know anything about me, its not his business. Im glad I dont know what hes doing, anyway I have to remember he wasnt the man I married after 7 years, a different person, mixing cocaine with alcohol and telling people not to tell me.
Does anyone know anything about this, drug use with alcohol. I was shocked to find out that not only was his alcoholism running away with him, but he was taking cocaine too. Is this why his personality seemed to change, he was never mean and unkind before and became so, even with strangers. I would be interested to know of others experience and if this is common?
Amongst the many deeply hurtful deceitful, disloyal things Ive found out, most recently is his school yard attitude to me, apparantly, he used to say to our friends, if I was coming to the pub, "oh kill joy is on her way". How horrible, how juevenile, how very disloyal to the person you are married to, never indicating to me this is how he felt, why should I ever want to talk to him..ever again. That can be the solicitors job when I divorce him, all I need is an address. Thank you for listening, I am starting to feel like I am living a life again, not just in a bubble, its just not the life I wanted yet, but Im working on it....Lillyx
Last edited by Lilly Burn; 06-09-2009 at 03:28 AM.