I feel that you are scared to be without him in a way because you know the comfort of routine, even if he isn't participating he is there on the chair with the family. I had a struggle with the warm body addiction and am getting over it. The one memory I keep is how nice things are when he isn't around and how drama free life is without the concern of jeopardizing your mental health. Take time to bring the kids to a friends to play and have a glass of tea with a girlfriend and relax if you can. The stress can eat you alive if you let it consume you. I have read your posts and know you are strong and very capable of doing whatever you put your mind to. Don't worry..."even when our hands are tied, God's are not" He is busy working on a plan for you...just have faith to know there is a better future...