Originally Posted by
rich19007 
I have always been able to function and lead a successful life. I have a successful career and am working on my Master’s degree.
.......I was in rehab 2 to 3 times, as well as mental illness facilities.
.......I have been arrested several times over the years
.......I also have mental illness issues that I am currently on meds for.
.......I have severe anxiety and depression. I am also very shy.
.......I feel like I can’t have a good time without booze.
......Unfortunately I don’t know my limits and will drink as long as the booze is there.
.......Mixed with the meds, it is not rare that I black out and actually miss the whole next day.
.......I have 2 great kids and have missed some of their sporting events
.......have a lot of guilt for the way my kids have seen me on some occasions.
.......I may have lost that job recently though because ...I kept on going behind the bar anyway and helping myself.
.......Yesterday I lost a friend that I really liked.
.......I came right back at her with a verbal onslaught because of my stupid temper
......Nothing else interests me on the weekends.
......I am always very tired from the meds and rarely feel like doing much else.
......My girlfriend always complains that all I ever want to do is sleep.
......My kids think the same thing.
.......They don't understand how the meds weigh me down....
I don't know if it helps to read your own words the way I read them. You say you have a successful life but the litany of woes says otherwise. A successful life is one worth getting up out of bed for. One worth playing with your kids. One where you want to do things with your girlfriend. One where things besides drinking interest you. Where you aren't yelling at people in blackouts, losing friends, stilling booze and going to the mental hospital.
And if you're honest with yourself, the porblem is not that the meds weigh you down. The problem is complicated because of mental illness (I have it too) but it is highly exacerbated by
your alcoholism. Nothing will get better without you addressing that issue.
Nothing gets better unless you admit that 1) Your life is unmanageable and 2) you are powerless over alcohol.
The good news is that once you take those two steps, you get to start a fresh new life. It's not easy. It's hard as heck at first. You have to get rid of your excuses and address your fears. But it gets better. You just have to decide you can do it, that you want it. And take the first step.
I'm glad you're here. Stay!