"once again, i needed the wisdom of experienced others to point out my faulty thinking.......and help give me tried and true suggestions and advice on how to get back on my own side of the fence and deal with MY OWN crap and let hank do whatever he was gonna do. they educated me on DETACHMENT and BOUNDARIES. and how nothing else mattered unless and until i had secured my own recovery, put my own oxygen mask on FIRST. "
No disrespect intended but the FIRST thing I was told in my very FIRST F2F meeting was that we do NOT give advice. We can offer ESH from what we have learned in our own experiences but none of us are trained counselors/psychologists and not capable of giving advice to anyone and should refrain from doing so. I was also told and agree with having to many people giving conflicting advice often makes a situation even harder on the one seeking help.
Secondly I do agree that left to our own devices most of us, me included, would sink, which is why we post and reach out to those with more experience on this journey. However I have seen and heard on several boards, as I have been going to different boards for sometime now, that one can usually tell by the response to your post whether the responder is an addict or codie by the response.
Back to the beginning my response was NOT that we should go it alone but that not all of us could afford, etc, one on one therapy like La suggested and that Therapy isn't always a neccessary option as the biggest part of recovery-for me-is changing my stinking thinking. And therapy, posts, boards, F2F, reading, meditating and praying is NOT going to change a person's thought process UNTIL they can step back and witness first hand their own stinking thinking.
Ago, if you go back and re read your posts, it seems to me like you weren't always in such a good place, and were quite a mess at one point yourself over a relationship too. I hope that one of the "old timers" showed you some compassion and wern't so judgemental when you came to the boards or F2F for help.
Spirit