Least,
I so completely relate to your post. I am currently fighting the system to get disability for both my PTSD and bipolar. I am on my first appeal. I have been waiting since October of last year for a response to it. Prior to that it took over a year to get the first denial letter.
What people do not understand is that it would be a lot simpler to just "go get a job" than to fight the system for disability. I believe you and I talked while you were working on your SSI claim.
Many people can not understand why a "normal" looking person like myself can not seem to work a "real job." I have had to give up a 20 year nursing career due to these diseases. If it were "all in my head" and I just need to "pull up my bootstraps" then why in the world would I have walked away from a $30/hr job?
This disease is devastating. For many years my self medicating with alcohol kept it in check, only because I spent most of that time in a manic state (I realize this in retrospect after reading this book). Once the alcohol started causing more unmanageably in my life than the bipolar I had to stop drinking. That is when the diseases hit me full bore. I have not been able to work in almost 3 years now. I have tried. I had a job for almost 3 months before I had to quit. The only reason I was able to hold that down was because the hours and days were flexible enough to allow for those days when my disease was out of control and I could not leave the house. People just don't get that part of the disease. But how many employers would understand my calling in saying "sorry I can't come in today because the anxiety from my bipolar is so out of control I can't get dressed and out my door today", that is if I was even able to pick up the phone.
I have been fighting to manage my disease with medications. I don't know how many I have tried. Right now I am better managed than I have been but I still don't sleep at night, fight with obsessions, spend too much money, fight with anxiety (meds for it only put me to sleep if they are high enough doses to manage the anxiety), have mood swings, and wind up crashing when I finally come down. I am praying that someday I will find the right combination of medications.
I have tried dietary changes and holistic options to no avail.
My partner still can not understand why I can't work, although she is patient with it. I know though that it does cause stress in our relationship. I nearly did not go to see my daughter when she had her baby, my first grandchild because of this disease. It has affected my whole life and the lives of those around me. I truly wish people could grasp how devastating this disease is and be a bit more understanding and compassionate but I don't hold my breath.
Sorry for the long post.