Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
My own mind was the thing that caused me so much pain and so many problems. So, how in the world could the same mind that got me into this mess "think" my way out of it? It couldn't. I needed help. I needed someone to gently point me in another direction where I could see things from a different angle. If I hadn't found someone to help me with this, I would still be stuck in my old ways.
The most life-changing thing I ever did was therapy. The time and money invested in one-on-one personal counseling has reaped more rewards than I could have ever imagined. I could not "think" my way out of my dysfunction. I had to be shown another way.
L
The way I finally understood that concept is the counselor drew a circle on a blackboard, filled it with "stuff" and said "this is your brain and everything that has ever happened to you, and every one of your thoughts. It only holds so much. Much of it is learned in childhood and actual "habit patterns" are literally "burned" into your nuerons.
No matter how many different way the "question" comes at us, faced with the same question, and the same information, your brain will ALWAYS give you the same "answer"
It can't not give you the same answer, it's a "closed system", no matter how much "alone time" or reading you do, your habit patterns are "burned in" and no matter how much you try, given the same set of variables, your mind will always give you the same answer it always has.
The "answer" that leads to our choices in partners. The answer that leads us to end up in places like this.
There are scientific studies that show groups of at least 3 or more people suffering from the same dilemma can "brainstorm" their way out of their situation (AA/Al-anon), or one person lead by someone with experience (therapist) can heal, if repeated frequently you can begin to burn new pathways.
If not, your brain will automatically go to old and familiar "habit pathways" and once again you will end up back in the same place. Every time.
This is whats meant by having an "open mind".
Thats why Honesty,
open mindedness, and willingness are indispensible to recovery.
Open to new ideas from other people
This is the latest crap coming out of the scientific community being taught to therapists anyway, and it matches my experience.
You can't "think" yourself better, thats just how that is