"What payoff are you getting." This is a very tough question for me and one that's hard to answer.
For me I didn't have to rock the boat with a divorce
My family was still intact
I didn't have to 'start over'
I had a decent income/insurance from him (before he lost his job)
Lots of so called +'s. One thing that I could bank on was there would ALWAYS be uncertainty. While in active addiction I could be certain that I would have to keep a tight reign on our finances, checking bank accounts almost daily, I would have to call and remind him of dr. appts, picking up kids, running them around etc. I'd have to remind him in the morning and then call him prior too - just to be sure. I could be certain that he was not capable of setting an alarm clock to get up for work or for an appt. I could for sure be certain that I was guaranteed uncertainty when living with an addict.
Just like when your AH didn't come home the other night. Just part of the protocol of living with an addict.