spiritedgrl123

Thanks to all of those who responded to my last post. It is funny how I don't even see my own insane behavior until it is pointed out to me by someone else.
One of my biggest problems is that I don't think, and what I mean by that is that I can't seem to think. I am a single mom and work FT, I also have a disabled mother who I take care of. At the end of the day-which is non stop from 530 to 830pm, I literally collapse from exhaustion most days. I never take time or have time to just sit and really think about what I am doing or why-and I think that attributes to a lot of my over reacting at times, and also keeps me focusing on everything BUT me.
I realized this weekend when I was reading my AlAnon books, (which I do make time for daily-I have 5 daily readers I read daily) that the What Ifs and the Whys are pretty much me not trusting my HP to take care of my life for me. I have HUGE issues with control (quit laughing-lol) and have always felt that I had to keep everything going and see to it that things got done. Being a single mom I'm sure has attributed to that, I knew what needs done and when and it is up to me to make sure it gets taken care of. I've also been caring for my disabled mother for years, and again, there are things there that I have to take care of and see to it that things get done when they need to. She doesn't go out of the house-hasn't been out in years, and I do all her errands, banking, marketing, etc. So in so many areas of my life I've always felt like I had to take control and get things done, and of course done right. Help from anyone else, paid or family is not an option.
It is MONUMENTAL for me to LET GO and just let it all up to HP and trust that He will know what needs done. Silly I know, who am I NOT to trust God,who am I to think I know better than He does, but I'm being honest.
So my main goal right now is to try to find a way to just try to THINK and REALLY FOCUS on my thoughts and what I am feeling and why. To somehow clear my head long enough, while I am awake, and learn to ask myself some of the questions that you all ask me here. I need to find a way to trigger my own thoughts like so many of you have helped me to trigger them. I think that is a big step in putting down the magnifying glass and picking up the mirror......
thanks for listening
spirit
Any suggestions would be wonderful and appreciated as always.......