Originally Posted by
miss communicat 
The title of your thread threw me off for a second. Joking about wanting to murder someone is a bit strong for me.
So, I'm glad you are not contemplating murder, or even character assassination.
Anyway, its easy to understand your frustration. The situation needs to be improved and there are things you can do to improve it.
One thing would be to focus on the really important issue(s) and let the less important ones go. The issue of whether your ex sends your son to school in a school shirt vs an approved blue shirt is probably a non-issue. I'd let that go.
The issues that require your action are those having to do with welfare and safety of the child. Shelter, stability, food, rest, support for schoolwork are the priorities. Its also important that you not draw your son in the middle of the parental dispute.
This means that, although you are irate that he was not bathed properly, you should address this to the appropriate channels and powers that can help improve conditions.
Not to your son.
However you have come to this current child custody agreement, it may be time to revise it for a period of 90 days while dad gets more stable. Approach the mediator that helped you two and see if you can get some response this way. It doesn't really matter if dad says you are a mean person, controlling or whatever. That stuff is also in the category of "let it go"....
There was no mediator. That didn't work and I have a court order. I would never address this issue to our son and adultify him that way. Good point though as many parents do that, and use the child as a weapon against the other parent.
The idea of ninety days is a good one. We can revisit this at any time.
I guess the shirt thing upsets me because it is the norm. If he has to go in costume, projects need to be done, canvassing needs to be done, or book orders due, I take care of all of that.
I have been told that it is not my issue, that I can't save our son from dad's behaviors and he just has to deal with it, and I can't control everything. I have been told to give him the tools to deal with it but I feel that is putting too much on his shoulders and he is too little for that. I realize we all parent differently but his school work has to be done and I don't want him to be the child feeling left out all the time because he is the only one not in the appropriate attire regularly.
I have thought of letting our son know that if he needs something like his school shirt again he can just call me and I will supply him with all his needs. This isn't about letting dad off and me taking on all the responsibility in my mind....I really don't care about that, I just want what is best for our son.