Matt,
Just like an addict will say or do anything for their DOC, in some cases so will the loved ones of that addict. The expectations, demands and words said are out of love and desperation. I will say or do anything to try to get my son to stop the self-destruction. That is my problem (and your families). If they did not care, there would be complete apathy towards you. Yes, you need to set boundries. My AS needs to set boundries for me and his father. Because my constant attempts at "fixing" him, shuts him down.
In turn, I need to set my own boundries.
Time heals and when your family sees you strong in your wellness, relationships will mend.
Good luck and God Bless.