im not great at articulating myself...certainly not as good as some of you.
but this is how i feel...when i first met my sponsor or rather when he introduced himself i was surprised by his intense desire to show me and discuss the big book of alcoholics anonymous.
i had already started to pick up the usual rubbish and was slowly convincing myself...that the more meeting i did the longer i would stay sober..
My sponsor started to convince me that i wouldnt find a solution in meetings...he told me about a solution set out in that book and that that was what AA was all about....its all AA Is he would say.
That guy saved my life.....he passed on the solution to me and told me what AA Isnt.
and guess what......the desire to drink started to fade..and a new way of thinking started..
i made lots of mistakes.......only to be pulled by my sponsor and brought back to the program every time.
My sponsor once called a meeting a "tea party" and i now know what he meant.
The space between aa the fellowship and aa the program of recovery is widening.....thats how it feels to me.
I dont hear about the solution in AA meetings here.
i hear alot of "stuff" but rarely a solution.
sure the big book gets read out...........only to be forgotten as a sideline.
The solution seems to have become a after thought to alot of meetings here
mention god in some of these meetings and i feel the uncomfortable shuffling of some members.
i keep saying to myself.......god or booze....otherwise shut your mouth...thats what i believe anyhow.
It may be different in the usa but here id rather stay at home and study or meet up with like minded pals....or if i can grab a newcomer.
i dont wanna hear about drugs in a AA Meeting.......because its an AA Meeting......i dont wanna hear what your consellor say.....i dont wanna hear all thoses silly catch phrases that convince the newcomer to sit tight and its all gonna be ok.
i wanna hear how you stay sober ......using that book....remember the one read out in the beginning.
i want to hear your solution........i dont want all the extra s...t tacked on.
im bored with it.
i hope that makes sense......it does to me...im not slating aa......Because what ive talked about aint aa.