Hi foggy! Welcome to SR.
He sounds like an ex AH I had. Nothing, ever, EVER was HIS problem. It was all me, why the dishes were not done, why my cubicle was not superclean whenever he arrived, why I sent a letter I should not have sent him (calling on his empty promises), well, the list is endless.
I thought he had changed but sometimes I wonder if he was manipulative all the time, just did not show it before so I would agree to live with him. Who knows?
The truth here is that life is too short to walk on eggshells. I hope your therapist is a good one and you keep seeing him/her! And keep posting... it helps, and we care very much.
((Hugs))