Originally Posted by
marvelgirl 
And also (I know this is getting long), but did anyone else have such problems getting on Subs, ie, having to try multiple times before finally getting on it? Though part of me feels like I want to get clean so badly, and I'm always trying to do that, part of me thinks "well if you really wanted it, you'd do it". Which is basically all I hear on this board. Did anyone else take multiple tries? Am I doomed for failure and many more years of addiction here?
Marvelgirl, it didn't take me multiple times to get on Sub. Regardless, I have to reply to your comment, "Well if you really wanted it..."
You're back at it again and this is after going what?? 27 hours last time??? Sure sounds to me like someone who wants it!! When I was in what I thought was PW (but now am wondering if it was just w/d due to the way Sub works on me... another subject for another post), it was not only the sickness that was horrible but the feeling of absolute helplessness. I couldn't reach my doctor and I was afraid to take my DOC (oxys) to get better and was afraid NOT to take it. I kept calling my doctor and leaving messages. My oxy habit wasn't long or large, so I was able to continue with the Suboxone. I didn't take any oxy and, after 30+ hours, I was dehydrated, but finally feeling better (hmmmm... I've since heard that PW don't last that long, but as I said... another thread topic).
Anyway, ALL this is to say, give yourself a break, sweetie. You've got enough that you're dealing with. Be kind to yourself. You sound determined to me (and not the least bit afraid of w/d). I think that you're correct when you say:
"The longest I've made it so far is 27hours, and now that I can look back on it, I really feel like I was ready to take it then." You've gained a lot of experience with this. So, I agree with you... do as your doctor instructed, use the scale, but also trust your gut.
When are you looking at inducting this final time?