Originally Posted by
GiveLove 
In addition, I learned a lot about myself, namely that I didn't want to control anyone any more, and just wanted compatibility, trust, and laughter in my primary relationship....to feed me on this trip through life, doing whatever it is I was dropped down here on earth to do.
GL, wow, this sounds completely like my situation.
I lost "like" for him, I lost respect, I lost my ability to fully trust him, I yearn for joy....
Perhaps I am not capable of hanging in there w/ AH anymore.
It's like: I am finally struggling to find ways to mend my spirit within myself.
To learn to hold myself, trust myself, and speak my needs. It appears that AH is still looking outward for this to happen. I cannot mentally or spiritually hold him.
Is this where the concept of the parasite comes in? (I think I read that somewhere here recently)
Originally Posted by
FunnyOne really separate with rules for a while to see how they each feel in a couple months or more. This might be an option for you?
I'll know when I am ready or I'll hear it when he is ready to make a decision, one way or the other.
You sound very grounded. Good for you.
I know what you mean about not knowing and wondering about their potential. I constantly do this.
You nailed it. Every fiber of my being wanted to physically separate last July after AH's last drunk episode. We went to a lawyer, we all looked at our financial situation and decided that there was absolutely no way AH could afford to support two households. I am in graduate school and have one year left. Dropping out is not an option, for I need this degree to support myself and my precious boys.
I'm feeling like we have no chance if a separation doesn't happen.
Originally Posted by
Freedom1990 It's called alcoholism for a reason, not alcohol-wasm. ISM = I, Self, Me. Selfishness and self-centeredness, that was at my very core. I suffered from a threefold disease-physical, mental, and spiritual. If I do not address all three aspects, I am not sober, though I may not be drinking. Sobriety is a state of mind along with not drinking.
Your AH is not drinking, but he has done nothing to address the progression of the disease in the mental and spiritual aspects. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
Maybe it is just my perception, but it certainly doesn't seem that he is addressing the psych and spiritual aspects. He keeps doing "busy" work -- he has replaced alcohol w/ work, music, and food. Lots of food. Lots of sugar.
It kind of grosses me out.
Again, my perception, but AH appears absolutely scared to DEATH to separate. Facing your fears. A good thing?
It does hurt like hell. Most days I feel like I'm totally losing my mind.