I see it as similar to the stages of grief, with anger being toward the beginning (I would have to google those stages but do so if you want, Kerrys).
It takes time to realize that what you THOUGHT was going to be the love-of-your-life relationship will never be, because one of the two parties isn't doing his part and probably never will. I know I had to go through a LOT of those nights, Kerrys, not to mention the embarrassment of the friends' wives dealing with my exAH too.
Sadly, I progress in those stages of grieving my failing marriage until I was about just as big of a mess as my exAH. Not with the boozing, but with the denial, the depression, and the extreme unhappiness and futility of it all. Looking back, I wish I had not let myself get pulled so low that I barely made it out. It took YEARS for me to feel healthy again from that lifetime spent with an alcoholic.
I hope you don't spend the years like I did, Kerrys. Your talent and sense of humor (seen in your quick witted writing) should be for YOU, not a wasted energy spent focused on someone who cares less for himself than you do. Try moving forward through that rage into the next stage of grieving your lost relationship. You sound like an incredibly funny and smart gal. Put the focus of those "smarts" onto YOU and what YOU want out of YOUR life. It's perfectly okay to start thinking about you and only you at this point. He certainly isn't thinking about anyone but himself, right?