day 2....
heat...
taking a lot of heat from my family. I write on some dutch social network, something like facebook about my hypersensitivity and some of my struggles with addiction. Total transparency is the only way to stay clean and strong for me. My familily mistakes some of my writings as a heavy form of autism, manic depression, lonelyness, and more....they call me frequently to ask me if i feel okay. My sister asks me to commit myself or at least go to a shrink.
Funny thing is they have been sending me my whole life to shrinks and psychologists, and those persons keep telling me i actually have a very acurate and realistic view on life. I allready know all the solutions to my 'problems'.
So, during the past few weeks i came to the conclusion my dependancy on my parents approval and acceptence for who I am (wich I almost never get, unless I do what they want) has been one of my main issues in life. Will never ever get it and the harder i fight the harder they try to convince me i'm crazy. I live on my own now for about six years, but 18 years of living with my familiy under one roof has left me with major self-esteem problems, social paranoia, and commitment issues. Through my battles with addiction ive been graduately overcoming these problems, and it feels like i'm in a closing fase know.
know the emotional background wich keep on triggering my relapses.
told my familiy i don't want contact with them anymore. There continues phonecalls and psychiatric commitment pleas (never been commited before, there was no need according to professionals) are making me just a little bit unstable. Not much, have learned not to get too much personally involved with there egocentric and materialistic views on life and me. But still, even a little of unstability is not what I need right now.
Told them to stay out of my life. That I will contact them, maybe never, maybe in months or years, or days.....I don't really now, but i will not commit more energy to them. My recovery is too important to be messed with.