H2H welcome to SR, I hope you made it to a meeting last night, one thing AA does not do is shoot our wounded! Heck if we did that I doubt there would be many of us at all!!!!
H2H if you did walk in that room last night I can tell you that you helped others stay sober another day, you know you never have to drink again unless of course you want to, you have 4 years under your belt so you know what sobriety offers you.
I was given the gift of desperation before I went into detox, I had lost all hope for sobriety and was desperate enough when I saw that doctor to follow any sugestion given to me because I had no hope, I had no idea how to get and stay sober, I had not drawn a sober breath in 5 years.
The doctor suggested detox, I went to detox.
Detox suggested at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, I went to well over 90 AA meetings and I got a sponsor.
My sponsor and the old timers in AA said if I wanted a chance at good long term sobriety to take the steps with my sponsor.
Well I did take the steps with my sponsor and the steps set me free! They set me free of the bonds of my alcoholism and of self. Today I sponsor other men and when they are ready I take them through the steps.
H2H I wish you well, be willing to do what ever it takes to get & stay sober, always keep in mind that it is only for today, just stay sober today.
Keep in mind that alcoholism never changes to alcoholwasm.