Tonight you said you would be home by 7 (again!). Your friend's wife called me at 8:30 to tell me she was feeding you before you left, then you could have your keys back. I told her you could stay there. You big, stupid jackass! Why does everyone have to save you from yourself?
So you came home at 10:00, making all kinds of noise, I was trying to fall asleep so I didn't have to talk to you. By this time I worked 9 hours, made and ate dinner (which YOU ruined), walked YOUR dog (I hope he pees on you while you're sleeping), painted my toenails, did the dishes (you lazy baztard), while YOU had the day off, cashed in your beer cans so you could get some gas money to drive to your loser friend's house to get some of his crappy weed, go back to your other loser friend's house and smoke that chaff, drink shytass Icehouse beer, and make an ass out of yourself.
So in you come, stinking like you licked the bar floor under the taps after closing, WAKE ME UP to ask for a cigarette (you must be slipping, buttwipe, didn't have enough cans to pay for cigarettes), and have the nerve to ask me what my problem is.
I hope you pick up a can of beer, and there is a cigarette butt in it and you swallow it, you big, stupid ass!
