marvelgirl

As some might know, I have a prescription for Suboxone, and over the last month have tried numerous times to start, but have been having a REALLY hard time getting through the first day you're supposed to wait before starting the pills. I've tried over and over to do it, but I've failed every single time. The longest I've gone, was today when I waited 27 hours before giving up, and going out to get high. BTW, I'm an IV H user with a moderate habit (4-5 bags/day).

My main problem is that twice in the past, when starting on Suboxone, I've taken it too early, and (obviously) went into precipitated withdrawals. It's the biggest reason I've failed every time I've tried to get on the Sub now, because I'm so scared of taking it too early. I have printed out a copy of the Clinical Opiate Withdrawal Scale (COWS) and have been using it to guage my w/d, and several times have been in "moderate" w/d according to the scale, but it's still not enough, I'm still too afraid to take the pill.

I have a couple questions for anyone that knows anything about the COWS, or used it themselves when starting Sub. First of all, does it work? If the COWS says that I'm in "moderate" w/d, can I trust it? According to the scale, 13-24 is moderate and I've been scoring about a 15-16. Secondly, there are two portions of the COWS that I don't get. It gives you points if your pulse is above 80 bpm, but no matter how sick I seem to get, my pulse seems to never above 80 bpm. In fact, it's usully 80 exactly. Also, it gives points if you have "hand tremors", and again, no matter how sick I get, I've never gotten "hand tremors." So do I just leave out these questions when scoring myself on the COWS? And what about the w/d symptoms I get that aren't covered in the COWS? When I get really sick, I start sneezing uncontrollably, and yet, there's no way for me to score that on the COWS.

Sorry this is long, but I'm really desperate and confused. Just today I was probably ready to take my first pill, but I was so scared of taking it too early, I gave up. I guess my main question, is, can I trust the COWS? Am I being too paranoid about going into precipitated w/d's? And also, do you w/d slower when you're asleep? Would using Xanax to sleep through the first day just prolong everything (and yes, I know about the dangers of mixing Xanax with Sub)?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I really want this, but I'm just so scared of going into precipitated w/d again, and thats been hindering my sobriety. Thanks so much.