nytepassion

When it rains it pours. Okay, first (as most of you know, most recently) I found out that my narcissist AH has been cheating on me for the past 8 months (If the truth been known it was probably longer then that) and it wasn't really a surprise .. Turned out to actually be a blessing in disguise - Amen!

Then I tell him he cannot come home. I kick him officially out - Should have done that way sooner then I did. Good riddance!

Afterward, I look around at the yard and it is out of control, but the mower was already broken/wouldn't start, lawn looked like he!!, pastor comes by fixes mower/gets it running, mower breaks this time for good, lawn was so overgrown and needed to be gone over again with blades lowered, so lawn is mowed, but looks shabby. Oh and lets not forget that pile of junk he has piled up over by the broken down gazebo that needs to be loaded up and hauled off to the dump (which is going to cost a pretty penny or three) to pay someone to do cause God knows exAH isn't going to lift a finger to handle it nor is he going to reach into his pocket and help pay to get someone to come in and take it away.

Next the dryer stops working. I have to pay ex to take it to the dryer repair guy. Then I have to pay to have it repaired. Arrrggggghhhh!!!

and now the van was overheating so I took it to the shop, paid almost $40 dollars to have it diagnosed only to find it has a blown head gasket and it is going to cost 1400.00 to fix it. I can't afford that with all the bills I have to pay including all the old bills he stuck me with and rent, groceries, so on and so forth. This is my only means of transportation to get to work and take Dakota to Doctors, go to store, hall kids around (you get the picture).

I could have him drive me, but he charges me to take me on jobs. Plus it cost me my sanity and makes me ill cause he is toxic, toxic, toxic. Oh by the way, did I mention he is T O X I C! Arrrggggghhhh!!!

Too, I so bummed because today the kids and I were supposed to go to an event that the candlelighters sponsored (candlelighters is for kids with cancer) There were two events actually .. one was Dozer day (the kids get to ride in all the big boy toys) and the other was the 14th annual kids day where the kids all get to go fishing at a place where they are guaranteed to catch fish. They were so excited thinking we would get to go and it broke my heart to disappoint them cause they were up at the crack of dawn happily gathering the things they wanted to bring with them to the "beach" as they called it.

They are so little, yet have had so many promises broken to them already. Disappointment after disappointment. You should have seen their little faces when I told them we were not going to be able to go. Arrrrrrrrgghhhhh!!!

On top of everything else the toilet clogged and I am ready to pull my hair out and I have a tooth that needs a root canal and it is causing me great pain.

Oh, and I also found out that he had been lying to me about the medical bills he said he had been paying when I called the kids dentist to make an appointment for them and I was told that the account had been closed without action due to Dakota's situation and they didn't have the heart to press payment, but that they wouldn't be able to see my kids anymore.

I absolutely love that dentist. He is one of the best and my kids were so comfortable going to him. I asked if there was a way that I could reopen the bill, pay it off in payments just so they could keep their dentist. The bill owed was three thousand dollars after the insurance paid. So they tacked it back on me, but won't charge me interest. I have to pay up to $500.00 first before my kids can get an appointment and then whatever my insurance doesn't pay at the time of visit I have to pay upfront... Arrrrrgggggghhhh!!!

I am tired, stressed and ready to scream.

I need a break!!!

I just don't have the money to pay out to every thing that is hitting me all at once. A running vehicle is of great priority cause my livelihood depends on it. Please lift this situation up in prayer. I am believing that God has a plan and a car just perfect for me. Also say a little prayer for my kiddo's they are beginning to ask about why daddy doesn't come home anymore. I told them that he has been naughty so I put him in a time out at Uncle Norm's. They asked when he be out of time out and I said I didn't know. Dakota cried. Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhh!

I don't have the heart to tell them that he won't be coming back home to live, EVER!)

I am trying so hard to do all the right things for us, but sometimes I feel like I am swimming against the current with no land in sight and right now

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

Arrrggggghhhh!!!
Passion