Somebodyswife, i totally understand. (I also responded to your newcomers post as well today)
My AH of 24 years still very much wants sex, I have absolutely no desire to be with him. I have keep myself rather well , physically speaking, over the years and he has not...obviously from the A. Looking at him makes me cringe. He often says about himself-"I don't look that bad" and I don't usually comment. I have said that the alcohol has changed him both physically and mentally. He looks much older now, has the basic beer belly and eyes of glass- appealing huh?
I am trying my best not to give in to his advances as I have no desire but some times he is so persuasive that I have given in in the past. So far this week, I am holding stong. I'd sleep in another bedroom but kids home from college..no other place. I guess I call it boundaries. If he gets the help he needs, perhaps I'll have a change of heart.
Your situation is somewhat similar to mine from what I have read. This site really helps to not only answer questions but to get differing opinions...all of which are helpful.