I've been there too. We started the marriage on about equal footing earnings-wise. I CHOSE to get my college degree, and have been pretty successful in my career. My X became disabled (non-alcohol related) and even though he COULD HAVE chosen to continue to work, or to do some voc rehab to be trained in another career -- he wanted to go on disability. We agreed it would be best for the family for him to stay home and be Mr. Mom. I convinced myself that was the silver lining in the cloud of his disability. There were no signs of alcoholic behavior before that, but somewhere in those 11 years it became a huge problem.
Was our divorce settlement fair? It was almost criminally unfair in my opinion. The supply of people that will feel sorry for my husband and excuse him from taking responsibility for his emotional and financial well-being is endless. He plays his poor-me disability card to the hilt. He did not even have to take the stand in our divorce hearing and was allowed to testify from the attorney's table because it was "too difficult" for him to navigate his way to the witness stand -- boo hoo hoo... My argument was that there was NO REASON he could not get a job; but I made the choice to settle rather than go to trial because I figured the additional attorney fees would eat away at whatever I would have gained by going to trial.
It is true that alimony ends after a certian number of years -- but my poor X is "permanently and totally disabled" and since we were married for 25 years my obligation is for a VERY LONG time.
Apparently I still have some resentments (sorry for the rant!). But, overall I realize that no matter what I still have my drive and ambition, my sense of humor, my health and my happiness. He can NEVER take that away from me. So, I imagine him sitting in our big house all by himself, feeling sorry for himself, lonely, and depressed. I still live on less than I make and have plenty of money in the bank. I am survivor and I am proud of it.