IMHO the behaviors of alcoholic parents who have hurt their kids can remain incredibly strong triggers no matter how recovered/independent/successful the ACoA becomes. Your reaction to your AM is not a reflection of your virtue as a kind, compassionate person; it is a reflection of how much unresolved pain you feel as a result of her disrespectful behaviors. Ask any ACoA here. No ACoA wants to be judged by how they behave in the presence of their alcoholic parent(s).
A big hear hear! from me on that one! (And a nice reminder to me today, when I needed it as well. Thank you.)