Thread: Another mother's day
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Old 05-10-2009, 07:24 PM
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dothi
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
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Repeat to yourself: family is not a license for abuse. Angry/guilty emails + phone calls are not excused just because it's Mother's Day.

Originally Posted by PoetryandHums View Post
I said "no"..."
And that could have been the end of it. Practice your boundaries, P&H. "I'm very sorry you feel this way, but that is how I feel. If you need some time to calm down, I'm willing to talk to you later." *hung up*

Originally Posted by PoetryandHums View Post
I really want to be the best person I can be, and I want to be compassionate and kind, and that was so not it.
I hear unreasonable expectations...

That's an admirable goal, but why do you belive you have to prove this with your mother - a woman whom you admit has hurt you terribly? FWIW, I believe that I'm a kind, compassionate person, but put me in a room with my AF and that kind, compassionate person is emotionally pulled apart. IMHO the behaviors of alcoholic parents who have hurt their kids can remain incredibly strong triggers no matter how recovered/independent/successful the ACoA becomes. Your reaction to your AM is not a reflection of your virtue as a kind, compassionate person; it is a reflection of how much unresolved pain you feel as a result of her disrespectful behaviors. Ask any ACoA here. No ACoA wants to be judged by how they behave in the presence of their alcoholic parent(s).

Originally Posted by PoetryandHums View Post
I can see that she's really hurt.
What GingerM said. When an alcoholic is forced to face the consequences of their own actions, yes, their pain and confusion is generally profound. What has worked for them in the past suddenly has not worked for them now. I don't see how you're responsible for another person's reaction or how they choose to deal with it.
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