I don't have direct experience, so this is offered only as an observation and what has been related to me.
I sponsor a woman who was on methadone for a year and a half. Again, I have no basis to judge the difference between methadone and suboxone, as I've never taken either one. I've worked with this woman off and on for five years, and when she came back to me the last time, she was on a 90-95mg dose of methadone. She began a taper soon after we started step work, but by the time she wrote her 4th step, she was still on 50mg a day. By the time she reached her 8th step, she'd jumped off -- with few ill effects (she only missed one day of work).
I asked her recently if she felt different, as she'd always told me she didn't "feel" the methadone in her system. She admits that, though she didn't think she was altered at the time, she can tell a definite difference in her spiritual, mental and emotional clarity. My observations? I can see the difference.
I don't think that her early step work is invalid because she was on MMT at the time. If I look back, my own head was not entirely clear when I began step work. The point is, I think, that we do it, that we put one foot in front of the other, and don't spend too much time concerning ourselves with how perfect we do each step because it's not like we don't revisit them on a daily basis. We take the steps as thoroughly as we can at the time we take them and remember that each one becomes a tool in our kit. I take step one ever day. I take step two every day. I take step three every day. Etc. Not (always) formally, but as a way of living each day. I probably do a better job of it now than I did the first time, though if I hadn't done it the first time, I wouldn't know how to do it now. Get it? It's something we practice -- so that when you are free of the subs, you'll have some tools to use to remain clean.
Tish, I do hope that you've found some guidance through the steps. I have read that you're in an area where there are no meetings. The steps are not meant to be taken in isolation. Addiction is isolating. Have you found a guide, a sponsor?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
SUGAH, I find your post wise and thoughtful I get something from all thanks