Dont beat yourself too hard jayne....you have the desire to remain sober....some dont get that back.........and your sober.
for me....rock bottom was a state of mind.........it wasnt about where id been or who was getting hurt..or how many times id sobered up and drank again.
When i walked into an AA meeting last time i stopped........i knew
i felt.......hollow...completely empty inside.....mentally and emotionally smashed.......
To be honest suicide became a real option in my mind....which was pretty unstable.
it wasnt outside "stuff" that finish me..............it was my own mind.
by that i mean......living on the streets and begging didnt finish my drinking.
nor any other scrape that i was getting into.
i guess i just coulnt do it anymore.........i held my hands up and surrendered..
The last time i walked into AA.........i wanted help.....not needed help.
Some old timers were glad that i was prepared to listen........and explained what was wrong with me...........by that i mean why i kept picking up the bottle.......they told me about the insanity of the first drink.
they suggested i was powerless and suggested where i might find that power.
i hope this may make sense to you....because i find it very difficult to put those "feelings" into words.
maybe youve reached your bottom..........i prefer "the jumping off point"...
alcoholism is pretty rock bottom in itself........dont you think.
for me...and only me........i believe someone "took" the fight out of me..because he was upset watching me destroy myself and others.
its only my experience but if it helps great.....................trucker