Thank you, GingerM, for the reality check.
You're welcome GrewUp. Some folks seem to think that you work your program and one day you wake up and all your troubles are gone and life is a shiny happy place with rainbows and unicorns. While I certainly have more happiness and peace in my life now than I've ever had before, I still have to use my recovery tools all the time (one dysfunctional family, one dysfunctional coworker - those tools get a LOT of use) and I still occasionally get caught unawares and backslide into behaviors *I* don't want to have.
One thing that it took me a very long time to finally really absorb is that recovery is absolutely not about THEM (whoever "them" is), it is about ME. Recovery is about me behaving in ways that I *choose* to behave - not in kneejerk ways (as items 1 - 3 in my original post) that I learned from having such grand models. Recovery is a very selfish process; learning that I'm worth being selfish for was very difficult. I have finally learned it, which is probably the only reason I'm still in contact with my family.
Which is not to say that there are times when the idea of moving halfway around the world isn't appealing
