Trish, if you would have kept that puppy then one day the frustration may have gotten to the breaking point where you could have done something really stupid, like using.
I'm sure it did hurt, I've had to put animals down before, end the lives of a pet I had for years and years. You can't keep holding on to this or else you will let it be the excuse you seem to be reserving for an explanation for using. I know it's tough when we have to start feeling and dealing with situations that in the past that we would have just avoided altogether by using but as Anvil said, it's called living life on life's terms.
Since I've been in Recovery, I've had to accept the fact that my Mom is going to be leaving this earth very soon. A year ago, she was in congestive heart failure and had signed a DNR. Standing next to your Mom's possible deathbed and knowing that you have to let her go is by far one of the worst things anyone can experience. I also lost my Father since I have been in Recovery. Honey, I know giving up the puppy hurt, I'm also an animal lover but it's just a puppy for God's sakes and you found it a good home. As soon as your little cousin sees a litter full of kittens, you know darn well he's going to turn his love and attention to a kitten and the puppy will be only a memory. I'm not meaning to sound harsh, but it's the truth. At least your little cousin didn't have months or years to become attached to an animal that you had to suddenly give away.
Ok, now what are you going to do for Trish today? You got paid, what, yesterday? I know you're trying to get bills caught up and to keep doing the responsible thing, but sometimes we need to buy ourselves a little something as a reward for our hard work. (You know what I'm NOT talking about buying here) Go get yourself a new outfit, a CD, a new purse, something to show for your hard work.
I hope you check in soon. I'll be thinking about you. I'd really hate to start hobbling on my walker up there to swing my cane at you and lovingly knock some sense into you! lol
Love ya girl,
Judy