I've chosen to start this thread here, instead of the GLBT forum, because I'd like to get unrestricted feedback.
I spoke to my family today. I told them about my homosexuality ten years ago, but it's an ongoing thing. Apparently it's an issue that runs deep and to be approached with care whenever a conversation lags but, for some reason, they all zeroed in on it today. And I let my sobriety go
My mother told me that she longs for whatever grandchildren I may produce, and that she still cries over that "impossible dream" most nights.
In no uncertain terms, my father reminded me that our last name will disappear when I die - thanks, Dad!
My sis let me know about her "unconditional support, but wouldn't it be great if my children had cousins."
And so on. Well... it fuccking hurts! Trying so hard to be myself, and letting down my loved ones in the process.
The booze thing... I used to be addicted to it, but not anymore, yet I still turned to it in the hopes for comfort that it won't provide.
I know this reads like one long rationalization. I'm not blaming anyone. Not myself, not my family.. H.ell, I understand where they are coming from! But I can't help being myself - and, quite humbly, I like who I am. Gay and all.
I just needed to vent. Feeling so sad, misunderstood and helpless.