dreamstones,
I am glad you are getting these thoughts and feelings out in a safe place (here in SR) instead of keeping them to yourself.
Unfortunately denial is one of the most powerful weapons of addiction, and it does not necessarily include the AH only.
For saner, healthier people, watching the AH-codie dance is very painful - as you know already. But you are doing an excellent job dettaching - you COULD behave the same way as your mom. Or you COULD say "well this pain is too much, I am entitled to my own fun" and then start drinking or taking drugs, becoming an addict yourself.
Please keep being where you are. I am very glad you are not taking either of those harmful roles.
Its VERY frustrating, isn't it.. sometimes I just want to scream:
To F. "yes YOU have a problem with the way YOU drink, and in your early career you have already lost 'the woman you loved' AND your BEST FRIEND. what next? if you are not an alcoholic yet you are sure on the road to be, its disgusting!!"
To F.s gf: "don't you see you may be young having your fun, when your "innocent social drinking" (from Wednesday to Sunday) is VENOM to him? don't you see you are not having fun but damaging him?? probably you still do not know him as much, otherwise all the love you profess would have a totally different look!!"
To F.s friends "you are all enablers and I cannot understand WHY ON EARTH you notice he has issues with alcohol and YOU STILL invite him out and get drunk with HIM. That is the friendship you can offer him??? You know he is seldom able to walk after your #$%#$ parties, and that he speeds, and that he has to take a dangerous highway and you do not even blink an eye. In one instance, before I even knew him well, I was the only one who gave a damn if he arrived home safely. THAT's how much he matters to all of you?"
To F.s family "if you ever talked to your son/brother you would notice the burns on his arms and how thin he has become, and how yellow at age 27.... if you ever lent a sympathetic ear and not be distracted by your partners...don't you see your silence hurts him?? having the same last name does not make you a family"
Perhaps you could try "telling" them what you think, making you have YOUR feelings acknowledged and then burn the papers...
I will do the same in writing. And keep getting them out. Because I control neither of these "actors" or "scenes". Because their reality is totally different, and because HP is the only one who knows why it has to be like that... at least for now, until another disaster strikes that shakes THEIR world
Or doesn't. Because by now we know AHs can see the face of death, and codies can see ALL the signs... and DENIAL can still win, until death.
So sad to hear you are in this situation but at least there is someone sane in the family... please keep up the good work!! We are rooting for you.