Swept Under Carpet
I’m so freaking p*ssed off right now that I’m ready to pop a gasket. I think I’m more mad at my Mom now and not the AS, though she has added fuel to the fire.
I’ve posted a few times on the forum about my AS. After the recent month of hell while my Mom was in England (sis lives with her) and sis binged herself to record proportions, everything now has been “swept” under the carpet this past week like sis doesn’t have a problem, nothing happened, life is just good.
Let’s see, Mom has been back almost 2 weeks now. Of course, on the day of her return, AS cleaned up the mess of her month long binge like nothing happened. She didn’t get fired from her waitress job, having a sympathetic and naïve boss who believed her “diabetes complication” story of missing a month of work. She was very drunk when Mom walked in door and said she screwed up “a little bit” and that she was sorry and that it will never happen again! ARGHHHHHH!!! The same old story and my Mom falls for it every time.
Cut to today. Called Mom to confirm time for something we were going to do on Saturday. Sis answered phone (sober, can always tell difference), thanked me for checking on her while she had the “flu” while Mom was gone and how much money she owes me for the help!!! What the F*CK is that, she is losing her mind????
According to Mom, she is taking over sis’s bills since she is overwhelmed by them all (can you say enabling) and can’t seem to get organized, especially with the large bill from her 10 day stay in intensive care in Feb. She also has been driving her to AA to make sure she is getting help???? Knowing my shy sister, she either doesn’t’ go into the room or sits there and passes. My Mom is a woman who has been going to Al-Anon for the past 10 years, yet she freaking keeps enabling AS, thinking she can fix all of this, that Sis needs a little more of her attention, this will help her get better.
At this point, I’m ready to just stay away from both of them, period. The conversations of last week turned into arguments between Mom and me, after I kept explaining to her how she is enabling, but she doesn’t see it that way, she is helping her get better. Sis stays sober for a few days, lulling Mom into a false sense of “security” and then bam, back to secret drinking and slowly killing herself again. Then, when the sh*t hits the fan again (I called 911 in Feb, after Mom wanted me to come over and help get her out of bed because the “flu” weakened her, not realizing how bad she was), I’ll be there again to help pick up the pieces of my Mom’s broken heart again.
I’m not sure what kind of Al-Anon support my Mom is really getting. She goes to a couple of different meetings a week, states that she knows she can’t control it, but yet continues to enable in so many ways! My Mom is 73 years old and though she is in fantastic shape for her age, if something happens to her, I sure and the hell am not going to be my sisters keeper!!! I talk to Mom about tough love, how she hasn’t hit her rock bottom, how sis needs to finally admit to herself that she has a problem (never happened yet), needs AA, needs counseling (claims of self esteem issues, living in my shadow is her main problem, no friends, etc.) and that if she continues to do this, AS will never get better.
I also have gotten to know my sisters drinking habit and behaviors these past 10 years and as most alcoholics are, they are very resourceful when it comes to having their next drink. Afraid of being kicked out by Mom (an empty threat made so many times I’ve lost count), she will play nice for a while then go back to her secret drinking. She has picked up evening shifts on her waitress job this week, this way, she won’t get home till late and can avoid my Mom for the most part and keep up her drinking. I just pray as she is driving, she doesn’t’ kill anyone.
Sorry to rant and rave, I know all of this is out of my control; I just needed to get off of my chest. I have my Al-Anon meeting tonight and that always makes me feel better. Just the fact that Mom and sis are acting like life is normal, that there are no problems (or never has been). This is very disturbing and I just want to detach as much as possible and not even deal with each of them right now. It’s almost as if my Mom is getting sucked into this life of lies and denial as well. I know, I’m the problem as well, since I don’t have to live with it on a daily basis anymore. I can’t control it, I can’t cure it, I can’t get consumed by it.