Originally Posted by
kj3880 
Yeah, stay out of relationships for a bit. For me, at a year clean, I'm nowhere near ready to have one. So I'm abstaining. Very freeing. Gives me time to focus on my steps/recovery.
The longer I go, the less I miss having a b/f. For me, who's spent the past 44 years being totally codependent, focusing on others, I need to bring the focus back to me and what my defects are. The ones that are causing me crippling pain. I can't do that when I'm focusing on the type of f'ed up men that I am attracting in early recovery.
Because as soon as I get a b/f, I begin trying to fix and help him. I fill the God-shaped hole in myself with men. So I'm not doing that until I finish my steps and learn how to live in close touch with my higher power. I'm sure the new me won't be perfect, but I know I'll at least be happy. Maybe then, maybe I'll find a wonderful man, who doesn't need fixing. If I don't find one, I'll still be ok. In fact, I'm getting better all the time (isn't that a song, or something?).
Love,
KJ
KJ! Thank you so much for that...your words are very inspiring. I am relating alot to what you say..The thing with me is, if there isn't a man whom I desire in my life I feel so empty...I don't mean just any man, but someone I fall hard for (who's usually the wrong type of guy) which is a big problem...I think your advice is true about not getting involved with someone for awhile, I just wish I was more comfortable being alone and not having that feeling that I have to always have a man in my life...the loneliness has also played a role in my drinking.