Hello sad,
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but glad you found us here. This can be a priceless source of support as you move through all of the tangled feelings around this.
It is a very difficult situation indeed. The good news is that you don't have to make any overnight decisions...you can fill yourself with knowledge, resources, options, and then see where it takes you.
One note I might add: many parents make decisions regarding their kids that are based on their own reality, or on popular literature. I went to three different high schools because of family situations (money, moving, etc.) While I didn't have the same friends throughout school, it forced me to focus on my studies, and I was a straight-A student throughout high school, gaining scholarships in the process. I was just fine. Don't assume you're going to ruin your son's entire life by moving him now....in fact, now might be the BEST time to move him, as opposed to two years from now.
I understand the revulsion you're feeling. I felt it too. It finally reached the point where I was willing to set boundaries: "I am no longer willing to spend time/share a bed/be in public with you when you're drinking. If you don't seek help for yourself, for my own sake and for the kids' sake, I will seek a separation."
Scary words, hm?
If there are al-anon meetings in Stuttgart, you may want to see if that is helpful to you too.
Excellent recommendations above me as well.
