Firestorm...
For me, I knew I was alcoholic for a while... I didn't care, I just made sure I wouldn't run out of beer, wine, whatever... I had acceptance, but no willingness.
Though it wasn't a DUI, it was an outside force - an intervention, rehab, save the careeer sort of event, that
imposed willingness... It was someone else's will that I become clean and sober, or, I lose everything.
So, my "bottom" was not really the bottom it could have been, and could still in fact, be.
Willingness is coming to me in stages, outside forces and now the seeds of my own internal willingness, seedling, sprout.... it's growing. It grows each time I experience the serenity Taz mentioned.
I stayed after my Monday home group meeting to help clean up with a guy who has 5 years. I like him very much and we have many things in common. I hadn't planned on staying late, but I jumped at the opportunity to spend a few minutes with someone I had been wanting to talk to,
really talk to... He has serenity and loves life...
I want what he has...
We talked about 4th step, resentments. He ended up in the program after a DUI. One of his biggest resentments early on was that he... couldn't drink anymore!! I asked him how he handled that... He said he got angry, very angry...
Sound familiar?
Hang in there, like laurie said... you are right on schedule!
Mark