Hi guys, I haven't posted in about a week and A LOT has happened.
I spoke to my mom and she was very understanding and supportive. She wasn't disappointed or angry, and to be honest not totally surprised either. She understands that this stuff happens and that I'm probably more prone to it with her being an alcoholic and me having anxiety and depression problems. She told me that she's here to help me as much as she can, but that I really need to tell my doctor and my therapist. I've been seen a therapist at my pain clinic since 2006 and she's been a big help for me, but I've never ever spoken about my drug abuse.
Well I had an appointment with her today and I finally got the courage to say "I have a problem with drugs". I felt so ashamed and scared but she was very understanding and compassionate. I told her that I have abused other drugs, but that Tramadol is my DOC and comes before everything else. Her main concern is that we take care of this NOW before it morphs into something even more serious. I reluctantly let her tell my doctor and the nurse assistant, which was probably the scariest thing about this entire thing for me.
The nurse just called me and we have a taper schedule in effect starting today. I'm going to do a very slow taper until May 14th so hopefully I won't have any issue with withdrawals. My therapist is going to look into partial day treatment programs that she thinks would fit me best. There's a lot of hospitals and medical centers within my area, so we should be able to find something that fits and can get me in soon. I can't believe that I had the courage to tell the pain clinic. I was a blubbering mess right before I told my therapist, saying that I want to talk about it but I can't. But she told me that it looks like I need to talk about it and that she wouldn't be mad no matter what it was and I finally just spit it out.
I'm totally exhausted now but I think I'm doing what's right. I really do feel better telling someone this huge secret! These past 2 weeks I've gone from having 1 person know about my addiction, to having 2, to now having 5 and 3 of them are doctors! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! You guys really encouraged me to get the ball rolling. I honestly didn't see myself telling my doctors anytime soon when you guys initially told me to but I actually did it! Now I just have to put my energy and focus into sticking with my treatment plan. I CAN DO THIS!
