I used to (and still do) get HIGH anxiety any time I would have to talk to my XAH about anything. I felt it was totally my responsibility to communicate ALL issues regarding our daughter to him, to assess his opinion about said issue (without him actually sharing his opinion with me), and to make sure he was happy with the outcome of any issue. Then, I would be sure that he was unhappy with whatever I had done, and that he was telling everyone what an evil person I was for doing it. All of this without him ever saying a word (he was quite a good passive-agressive manipulator!).
My sponsor asked me one day how I would feel if I never had to talk to him again. I was shocked, how could that be? She "gave me permission" to never talk to him again. I was FREE AT LAST!!!! Of course, we have to communicate; but any communication I initiate is in writing to him. Then, there is no question as to what I said or when I said it. It is limited to ONLY issues related to our daughter.
In an ideal world we could co-parent with open and respectful communication. But, if we were really able to communicate in that manner, we would probably still be married!