My question is: How do some of you react to the alcoholic when he pushes your most sensative buttons? What is most effective in dealing with this behavior? I know he won't stop, but how do I deal with it so I can keep my serenity?
Blondie, you're not going to like my response, but hey, you asked.
How do I react? I find my self-esteem and choose not to be around such a dirty, manipulative lowlife any more.
I'm not sure how he talked you into marriage counseling. It's obvious he has NO commitment to having a fair, respectful marriage with you, NO commitment to his sobriety, and NO commitment to changing anything about himself that is hurting you.
I'm unsure why you keep whacking your head against this brick wall. You're a good person who is gamely working on herself. He's doing everything he can to have his punching bag back. He's also acting in an amazingly disrespectful manner. You're seeing a counselor who doesn't see anything wrong with a man who's unfaithful, has pictures of buxom barmaids on his phone, and his idea of fun is getting smashed, insulting you, and going to wet T-shirt contests.
Just what is it about this situation that is good for you?
Look back at your posts from when you had first detached yourself from your husband, and you were feeling strong, healthy, and free.
And now look at this post. Since re-engaging with him, you feel bad about yourself again, desperate, beaten up.
See the difference?
Why not do counseling for YOURSELF ONLY? (with another,different therapist, I might add) Your al-anon friend means well, I'm sure, but she likely doesn't see that your marriage has been incredibly toxic and abusive to you for a long, long time. In personal counseling I finally could see my role in things, and work on it myself, without some drunk breathing fire over my shoulder and telling me what a bad person I was.
Hoping for the best for you
