My AH says things about me trying to control when I say I will not put up with the drinking. It is control - not trying to control them, but knowing what you are willing to put up with and taking control of your own life.
Silkspin - From my experience with my AH, the fact that your A admitted to you that it was tough not to drink is a great step in the right direction. The many, many times my AH promised to never drink again I told him I know it's hard but if he's at least honest with me I can try to help him through. Of course, that never happened for me.