Hi Hap,
IMHO, your counsellor was being very realistic with you. I don't see it as encouraging or not encouraging, simply that is the reality. What you are willing to live with is important.
For what it is worth, my exabf said that my support of his not drinking was controlling as well. I stopped nagging him a long time ago, but always was positive and very "good job honey" when he told me about not drinking. I think some people just want to blame others for their limitations.