OK so - I feel pretty good.
Not sure if that's entirely a good thing -- sometimes I worry I'm in some sort of denial or slipping back without realizing it - or not moving forward enough.
Things I'm doing for myself:
-going to Alanon -- I just love my home group - so many wonderful people full of love, caring, and understanding
-racquetball and going running twice a week with friends
-going out with friends on the weekends - just for fun
-reading SR daily -- I really need to not forget where I used to be
-reconnecting with old friends - people whom I neglected when I was neglecting myself
-not depending on what AH is or isn't doing - depending on me
-keeping my focus on ME
AH moved back in. Our dog had been sick then died and it just sort of happened while we were working together to take care of him. But there is one simple boundary: no drugs or one of us will leave.
If he stays clean, there is a lot of damage that needs to be worked on if we are to stay married - right now we are kind of living separate lives. He is trying to show me he is serious about staying clean this time....but I know I need to watch his actions, not his words. So I'm taking care of me while watching what he does, keeping a bag packed with cash stashed just in case.
I guess that's where I'm worried...that I will get sucked in again and let my guard down. I'm fairly confident I won't tolerate any more crap like I had been, but I haven't been (and hopefully won't be) put to the test.
Still, I'm feeling more like me again - and that has been a great thing for me.
Thanks for this thread kj and everyone who's shared-- :ghug2