Whisker, I was right where you are a couple of days ago...I wanted to get high and I could not get it off my mind. I'm a recovering opiate/crack/cocaine addict, just shy of 7 months clean. I don't crave the opiates....I crave the coke and the other day, it took all the strength I had not to pick up the phone...cause it's just a phone call away. In the past 7 months, it was by far the strongest urge I've had.
But for me, using means dying, so I really have to be at the point that I'm done fighting this battle. To put that pipe to my lips again would surely be the death of me. So when someone says "play the tape through to the end"...that's what I have to do.....and the end?....well for me, means death.
I will say this....every time I'm able to get through these urges and not use, it makes me stronger in my fight
I pray that this will work for you also. You just have to somehow replace those thoughts of using with something else that will satisfy your mind, body and soul...like your grandkids.
Don't use...no matter what,
Penny