What if...?
Hi Hap!
What if she made it and never drank again?
What if she needed your help to get through this, and never drank again?
These are questions that a lot of us have to answer. I had a bunch of what if's with my ABF, but then I thought...what if I accepted the truth?
Please know that the A will stop when he/she chooses to stop. For whatever reason, it comes from within. They have to fight those demons themselves. After all, the war is between our loved one and the whisper from the bottle.
No one can tell you when it's time for you to stop the madness. It's not giving up. It's letting go. And you do it when you're ready.
Just, please, stay strong and educate yourself on the way A's manipulate people. Read books like "Getting Them Sober" (even though it's directed at females, it's got invaluable info on how A's operate and make us feel), "Emotional Blackmail", "Inside the Alcoholic's Mind". Arm yourself with knowledge of how they work to make us feel guilty and responsible for their bad behavior. And learn how their behavior and "sickness" affects us.
I spent my entire birthday at the beginning of this month talking about my ABF. Every time somone called to wish me a happy birthday, I gave each person an update on his behavior and then we started analyzing him. I gave him so much energy without him even being around, that I drained myself of energy that should have gone to me. My fault. My choice. I'll learn from the mistake. It's easy to do. It's a fascinating topic affecting the one you love.
Good luck and take care of yourself. This is a great message board. It's ok to be honest here. People here are so great and caring and compassionate that I couldn't wait to share my news about my having the courage to ask my ABF to move out.
Ready.