MyItalianlove,
I was in a similar situation. I became very close to a man while working on a project together. I am and was then an alcoholic in recovery. Wil was a wonderful guy, funny and smart. I knew he drank but didn't realize how much. Or maybe it just got worse over the few years we were best buds.
After a horrible night on a business that involved me having to get out of bed and go downstairs to pay the cabbie that brought Wil to the hotel in a stupor, I set a boundary of no drinking around me. I still got some drunken phone calls until I refused to talk to him when he was drinking.
He was prone to getting beat up and I went to pick him up a few times. I told him he had an alcohol problem and needed help. And that I wouldn't pick him up again. I suggested rehab. He declined.
Finally, he was arrested for drunk in public while on a business trip in another city. Big Trouble. I helped him get into rehab which he hated and only went as it was a condition of keeping his job. Of course he drank almost as soon as he was released.
I sat down with him when he was sober and told him I loved him. I said I couldn't be his friend unless he got into recovery. He chose to continue drinking. I run into him on occasion and always hug him. He looks terrible. I hear stories of his drunken escapades from colleagues. I fully expect him to die from alcoholism.
I had to detach with love. He knows I'm here for him anytime he wants to get help and stay sober. I really miss him. But there's nothing I can do unless he wants to get help.
Please do go to Ala non. Believe me, you can't help someone who doesn't want help with the core problem of addiction. But you can learn how to take care of yourself.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Lenina